Stress & Anxiety | Written by: Dan Ginn

How to Get Out of a Stressful Relationship

You’re likely to have been taught from an early age that one of the most important things you will do in life is find the right partner. Someone you can share every valuable moment with and go on the course of love for the rest of your days.

You can become so indoctrinated with this idea about finding a mate, that when you do, it can be difficult to let go—even when the signs are there to say you really should.

If you’re in a relationship that’s making you stressed and unhappy, and you’re struggling to find a way out, this one’s for you.

Identifying That Things Are Not Right

So you met the perfect partner. They get you—no, they really get you. They bring out all your best qualities and work with you on all your little hang-ups.

They’re kind, sweet, funny and the sex is like fire. You’ve hit the jackpot and you can’t stop telling people about it. No problems here.

But over time that spinning wheel of love begins to slow down. Cupid seems to have flown off to do his with work with some other love birds and you’re left to do this on your own. Things have got real.

With time, that initial feeling of warmth starts to get colder, your enthusiasm decreases and all of a sudden your relationship is giving you angst and despair.

The arguments have turned bitter and you feel like they no longer get you. You feel so lost and unsure of your direction that you begin to become unhappy. Now there are problems here.

The biggest problem is that you’ve invested so much into this relationship. So much time and emotion spent on creating what you believe to be an unbreakable bond.

The truth is you’re laying in bed one night and your mind is saying “get out”. Then it’s two nights, three and then four. You can no longer ignore the overwhelming intrusive thoughts that are telling you “leave this relationship!” whilst you scream back “I don’t know how!”.

Don’t worry we’re here to help with your exit strategy.

Know Your Worth

One of the most crucial things you can do when it comes to relationships (and life) is to know your worth. Too many people are guilty of having an “it will do” attitude and end up settling for far less than they should.

If you’re with a person that doesn’t show you love and understanding, that’s on them not you. A simple little mantra of “I’m worth more” will get the ball rolling on your quest to have a better quality of life – leaving behind any toxic energy.

Envision Your Life Without Them

That may be a hard thing to do, more so considering you’ve probably said the words “I can’t imagine my life without them” one billion times over the years.  But your imagination is stronger than you give it credit and you need to start making the most of it.

Think about all the things your relationship is stopping you from doing. There would be no more “I can’t do this because it won’t make them happy”. Maybe you’re in a relationship with a partner that constantly puts you down. Picture a life where you reclaim your voice back, your confidence and yourself.

Imagine, just for one moment, that liberating feeling you will experience if you just remove the shackles of your broken down relationship and run free.

Seek Support From Those Closest To You

Friends and family are not just there for trips to the cinema and walks around the park. Your true friends and closest family are there to support you. Sure, you may feel like you don’t want to be a burden, but the truth is that they will want to be there for you.

Share with them all your fears and doubts about walking away. Allow them to reassure you that they will be with you every step of the way and you will be just fine in the long run. They’re there to cushion the blow from the initial impact of ending your relationship.

You may also find that because of the love and support that they give you, you develop an even deeper connection to them. Having your relationship with others grow as your intimate relationship ends can be one of the most beautiful lights to shine on what at first feel like complete darkness.

Make a Plan

Sit down with a pen and paper and spend some time thinking about things you would like to achieve post-breakup. Maybe you want to start hiking, writing music or get yourself a killer body.

By writing things down, you begin to become excited about them. Your mental energy will want to focus on all the fun and exciting things that you’re going to experience.

It’s useful to make a list of ideas that will help you with the healing process.

Things like going to therapy, meditation and traveling are good ways to help sooth your break up wounds. Having a plan in place will allow you to feel safer and more secure in the knowledge that you’re ready to walk away.

Accept That Goodbye Means Goodbye

Saying goodbye is the most difficult part. It’s extremely final and the clearest sign that your relationship has come to an end.

At first, however, it may not feel real. When you have spoken to someone for a countless number of hours for years on end, day one will just feel like you’re taking a break.

But it’s important to accept as soon as possible that today is day one of the rest of your life without that person. This isn’t a break, your relationship is over and it’s time to move on with your life.

Do everything possible to ensure you stick to your goodbye. Ignore urges to contact them for reasons that are not important. Delete their number, delete (or at least hide well) all the photos of you both and start to build a narrative in your life in which they are no longer a character.

Remember those nights you laid in bed right next to them but couldn’t feel further apart. Remind yourself of the toxic, bitter unhealthy communication you both had to endure. And never forgot those overwhelming thoughts of wanting to leave – they were there for a reason.

Be Assured That You’re Going to be Okay

Walking away from any relationship is difficult. And for some unknown, unfair reason it feels even more difficult when the relationship was suffocated with negative energy.

In time things will get better. As the feelings begin to fade you will begin to recognize yourself again. You will have the power and strength to have a better quality of life. You will know your self-worth and be fully aware of what you’re prepared to accept once you’re ready to enter another relationship.

Be careful not to make the mistake of falling out of one relationship into another – ignore that one friend that says rebounding is good for you – it isn’t. Instead, be mindful that by walking away you have done something courageous and that it’s time to start enjoying life again.

You’ve reclaimed life. You’ve reclaimed yourself…embrace it.

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